Tuesday, June 10, 2008

And then it feel off in my hands

A hoy hoy!

So I finally got off my ass and decided to update my blogger since it's been only about, erm..a month since i've been on. (actually, i'm not really "off" my ass, since i'm using my school's research terminals to update this whilist standing since the cold metal proves to be extremely uncomfortable in the ass-al region) Many vair vair interesting things have been going on over here in april-a-go-go land (i.e. san bernardino, aka san bernarghetto) School is finally out (yipee and three times yay!) . Actually, i'm in the last week of my finals..but I only have two tests left, both in fairly easy classes that I'm doing well in, so if I fuck up..it's all good, because I insured my ass all the way through the quarter by being a slave to homework and studying and such. I'm really looking forward to next quarter (which isn't until the fall, or more specifically early september) since i'll be taking classes (against my advisior's request..who INSISTED i take 4 math classes to get ahead...yeah...I don't think so..) that I have a legitimate interest in. Let's see here...ANTHRO141 - world cultures and religious impact, PHIL308-alternative logics, KINE323-sociology of physical activity, and HUM344-ideas in american culture. OHH YES. It's gonna be muy amazingo. Minus the horrendous amounts of money i'm expectating to spend on books and such...I intend on using my irresistable charm in an attempt at getting my dad to buy me a new laptop, *cough* macbook air *cough* perferably in black *cough* with at least 3GB of memory storage *cough*. We'll see how that goes over though, since the fucking IRS is stiffing me in terms of my stimulus check. YEAH, QUICK TO COLLECT YOUR $32.50 THAT I OWED ON STATE INCOME TAX, BUT TAKE ALLL THE TIME YOU NEED SENDING OUT MY $600. Assmonkies. Oh, and I made a new pie. *points to picture* Strawberry bottom, Coconut cream center, blueberry top layer, and a blackberry glass coulis (or however the shit you spell that word). It was amazingly refreshing in this digusting heat global warming has been subjecting me to. I'd also like to take this time to point out that my car has NO air conditioning, so while it's 90 something outside, my car is an unbearable 100+ degrees. I've been going to class drenched in sweat, walking in lookin like I just entered a wet tee shirt contest or something. Not cool. Literally.

I just now realized that the school's library has a massive portrait of some old man hovering above the computer stations that i'm at. Hm..I can't make out the name from here, but he looks like somebody who gets a kick out of wearing women's lingerie while rubbing bologna on himself..which is making me a little uneasy. OH SHIT. So off topic (not that any of my blog's really have one to begin with..), but I was at the store the other day, and you know what I saw? HEAD CHEESE. Nastiest looking thing on the planet.


And it looked even worse in the store, since the one I saw had fragments of yellow and orange chunky shit embedded into it. After getting home from stater's, I went online to find out exactly what the fuck head cheese actually contains. First, apparently it is NOT a cheese (so why was it in the "cheese" section? I suppose for the same reasoning that special K cereals and snickers marathon bars are placed under the nutritional aisle) it's a jellied sausage that includes pieces of the feet, heart, tongue, and of course you can't forget the head! I guess what makes it so "jello-y" is that when the head is simmered, the oils and fats form a gooey substance that sort of 'molds' all of the meat together. super digusting, but just thought i'd share that little tid bit of information with you, my favorite chummy chum chums.

All head cheese aside, the 5000 calorie project that i'd been working on for my HSCI class was a complete success..not so much NOW since i've become ridiculously out of shape from having no time for the gym or working out without having to sacrifice studying time or sleep. I managed to maintain my weight for the most part, and actually dropped 1 1/2% body fat. My professor was shocked and at first thought I had rigged it and was putting false information, but eventually caved in to the fact that she was wrong and I was right. After admitting her defeat, I celebrated doing my "haha-in-your-face-I-was-right-and-you-weren't" super disco inferno dance outside of the classroom. OF COURSE, the hot dude that sits in the back walked out right as I was in the heat of dance (story of my life) but he just sort of smiled and nodded polietly as he shuffled past me at what seemed like a small sprint.

When I first came here (to my school that is, not blogger, because then what I'm about to say wouldn't really make much sense..well, it WOULD, but not as much sense as what I'm about to say) seeing pretty much nobody of the opposite sex who was vair vair "easy on the eyes" so to speak, I made peace with the fact that san bernardino is NOT the place to find a really sexy and super gorgey dude. I WAS WRONG! They are everywhere...see! One just passed by right now. Of course he's wearing a pink holister shirt with yellow flip flops, but that's completely besides the point. Though, this discovery hasn't really done much for me in the oven of love department. Why is that you ask? Because for some reason or another, I seem to only attract people who I am not attracted to. A good example of this, would be 3 hours ago on the freeway. I was minding my own business, dancing and driving (along with poor/ear shattering singing) to kayne's graduation. What happens next? Two old mexican guys who look like my DAD whistle at me and try to wave me over.

"what? you want me to drive into your car or something?"


"nowhere fast, obviously."

My friend said the best place to meet hot dudes is clubbing. Which, I can not lie, is vair true. HOWEVER, most of these guys couldn't locate america on map if they had a teacher's aid helping them. So, Hot? Beyond reason/blindingly so/so goodlooking it's unlawful. More then a few boxes short in the mental attic? You bet your ass. And that just will not do.

Last time I tried entrancers a guy at a club my false eyelashes, that my mom convinced me into wearing for the night, got stuck together while dancing. So instead of looking sexy/alluring/mysterious, I probably looked blind/confused/all out mad. I've given up on flirting, i'm no good at it. It's all "hey ya, wink wink, you know?" and they're like, "no, I DON'T know wink wink, coffee sometime?" Too much work. I went on a "blind date" last week and he was like, "coffee?" to which I ALMOST replied "are you crazy? don't you know what that does to your adrenals?!!" but instead opted for "I won't do coffee. But i'm down for tea." Which seemed like a much more sane of a response. If only I could find somebody who looked like some cross between Johnny Iuzzini, Orlando Bloom (shut up), and Christian Bale with maybe the body of Michael Phelps..that's not asking too much is it? I should think not.

Good lord i'm hot, very literally. The ac is on in here and I can feel the sweat glands getting ready to kick into gear. If I start having hot and cold flashes that'll be the end of it. This is what I get for trying to get all fancy and look good with these damned hair extensions. ALAS! They look so groovey, but insulate my head far too much for this summer weather. My brother said they were probably shaved off some 3rd world country child's head, but you know what? Hair grows back. Who ever died of a bald head, you tell me?! Point proven, my inner conscientious is cleared!

Hm. The lady at the desk keeps smiling at me. I think she may have a bit of the lezzie going on......oh, nevermind, i'm standing in the way of the terminal numbers. Not even the old lezzie librarian is interested in me. Fallen back into the bed of pain and the oven of love.

You know, when I write these things, I often wonder, "who really takes the time to read this crap?!" look at this nonsense, i've gone from school, to my pie, to head cheese, to hot guys (or lack thereof), to becoming blind at the mercy of false eyelashes. Good lord and Blimey O'Reilly's pants.

I want to move to england. Or froggy land, aka france. I bet il y aura les hommes chauds en abondance AKA hot men galore. Hot FOREIGN men, at that. Brings me back to the time I went to disneyland and made out with an italian exchange student visiting for the summer who didn't speak a word of english...ahh...good times..


April said...

Looks amazing! Can I take classes from you on how to make these desserts? I am serious!