Monday, April 28, 2008

hedonistic cooter snooging and looping cumbias



This weekend was lots of good, interesting fun. Made this dope ass raspberry (or as Charles calls it, FUCKTASTIC...which is very appropriately named if I do say so myself) chocolate pie, took some to the neighbors..the rest was finished off between the family and I. With the exception of my brother. He refuses to try ANYTHING that can and would be even remotely healthy for you. He swears he'd rather eat solidified bacon fat then try one of my desserts. I told him, "well, fine then! die from having a fat ass and clogged arteries!" and then he shouted back, "I WILL!"...and then there was a brief silence, followed by an unspoken apology session of guitar hero and halo 3.
Went to gameworks to play DDR (i'm hooked), and made all the little asian kids look lame in the light of my apparent awesomeness at the game.
I've got crazy legs.
Legs crazy for DDR.
Yessss.

You know? When people say i'm funny, usually my initial reaction is.."oh gee thanks..I know i'm not the greatest looking person, but you really didn't have to go THAT far.." and then they clarify and say NO NO! your sense of humor silly! silly? please, don't ever use that word again.
I'm not that funny. If I were, i'd be be filthy rich from a self-made comedy routine that would be being enjoying by millions of people with good taste in comedy, and I would be staring in movies with people like Amy Poeler and Tina Fey and Will Ferrell, etc etc..and would be canoodling with sexy sex god male models every waking second of the day, swapping saliva and bodily fluids every which way. 

OK. 
Maybe not.

But close.
Pretty DAMN close.

We went to go play pool at this uberly ghetto place about 20-25 minutes from my house that we've all grown quite fond of. It's way cheap, which is probably the reason for the aforementioned liking. Ten bucks for two hours of pool. 
Actually it's more, but my friends force me to flirt with the nasty old chunti dude that runs the place, so we don't have to play full price.
ah..the things i'm willing to do to save ten dollars.
but, that ten dollars will be paying for more coconut oil...so I suppose it justifies itself in some way or another.
OH OH.

I want this. BAAAD.
I told my mom I was going to start riding my bike everywhere to conserve on gas.
But I refuse to wear a helmet.
Helmets are for losers who give a damn about what happens to their skull in the event they fall off their bicycle.
Helmet hair = big no no on me....so i'm willing to take that risk...FOR THE SAKE OF MY HAIR...PLUS...helmets makes my head look all lopsided and lumpy and ewok like...which doesn't exactly make it easy in the event that i'd just so happen to run into a good looking dude.
I mean, it's hard ENOUGH, trying to come off rico suave-ish without the corney factor coming into play.
"Is that a pen in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
wait..not a pen...I mean a flashlight...yes...a flashlight....if it were a pen, that'd mean you'd have a small weenier...which is most definetely NOT what i'm trying to say....I mean...if you DO, then that's cool, since you can't really help it..but then again, they have those pumps that suck all the blood into it to make it bigger...but does it REALLY make it bigger? I mean, it'll just be like a balloon animal....a balloon animal filled with blood....that just so happens to not be an animal..but a penis....
i'm shutting up now."

this is probably WHY i've been single for so long.

most of my relationships don't seem to last anyways...the guy always seems to think i'm going to cheat...and I never do! because that's just jacked up. ya mean?
THEY always cheat!
eeerghlack.

Time to get ready for school.
I'm glad i'm not taking math this quarter.
I'm going to try to avoid taking it for as long as humanely possible....math just makes my brain all jangley like...and then it sort of just goes numb.
I tried explaining this to my last math professor...explaining that beyond basic arithmetic, unless you're going into a math related field..there's really NO need for all this damn formulas to be memorized.
"well april, what if your toilet leaks..and you need to figure out how to fix it and install parts?"
"that's gay. I'd just call a plumber or something."
"what if you didn't have access to one."
"then i'd buy a new toilet. because i'm a baller like that."

"sigh."

He gave up on me. I don't blame him. I spent half that class trying to figure out sneaky ways to subconsciously force my unnaturally sexy philosophy professor into leaving his wife and becoming my sex slave. It didn't work. But it will. Someday.

Class calls. 
Tah tah for now mon amies. 

2 comments:

Rediscover Raw Food said...

LMAO!

Melanie said...

You have to make some kind of recipe book. Even if it's an e-book...I'll totally buy it.