Monday, March 31, 2008

wasting money and a false sense of happiness


"Destiny is what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, at some point in their life, knows what their destiny is. At that moment, everything is clear, and anything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But for most, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to live out that destiny."
-Paulo Coelho 

Time for a serious post.
Well, this part anyways...
I'm dreading school tomorrow.
Not because i'm lazy, not because I have better things to do with my time...because going...and taking these mandatory, mainstreamed "health science" courses, only isolates me from what I REALLY want to do.

If I could own my own restaurant one day...help people through my food somehow...that's all I want.
I wouldn't care if I had to put in 20 hour days, and live broke, surviving off of other restaurant's veggie throw aways (which, in all honesty, i've seen..and actually look really good...damn wasteful bastards). I know a lot of people into raw foods talk about wanting to become a raw food chef...which I guess is only a natural response in wanting to spread the joy that raw foods has broughten them....

...but there's something deeper here... (no pun intended)
I can feel it (again, no pun intended)

I woke up this morning laying in bed, just staring at the ceiling (after only getting about an hour of sleep, because i'm a wigger and was trying to 'perfect' the apple pie cheesecake I made until around 4 in the morning)...trying to sort out what bullshit i'm going to have to say..and do...just to pass through these courses.. (they insist that meat is a valuable source of nutrition...OF COURSE! CARCINOGENICS ALWAYS ARE! that coconut oil is fattening,  and that food has just as much "life" despite whether or not it's been blasted to death in a microwave or oven ) Not that this will be hard. I'm really good at breezing my way through things, even if they couldn't be further away from my actual ideals...I just prefer to not feel like a complete fake JUST so I can pass the stupid class.

The only reason I'm in school, taking these courses, is because my parents will kick my ass out if I try to become a chef.
"come on april, you're good...but this isn't going anywhere..choose a profession with a future.."

So I put a smile on, and pretend to care, pretend to WANT this "future".
"yeah dad, i'm excited! i'm gonna bag me a future doctor!"

that's the spirit april. keep it up, so everyone will believe you, and nobody will doubt your intentions.

assholes.

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get that out there...in the infinite world of useless and random cybershit.

ONTO SOME FUN STUFF NOW! WEEEE!

Saturday: nada, kicked it with the fam. and tried to get the smell of chorizo out of the kitchen, since somebody decided to let the meat ferment in the garbage disposal. yummmmmmmy.
Sunday: raw basics class. didn't learn anything new really, as expected, but I met a lot of genuinely nice people interested in what raw foods could do for them healthwise. Met some lady named "T" who was hilarrrrrious. You have NO idea what a relief it is to find somebody who shares a similar sense of humor as you...especially when your 'humor' tends to be more on the tasteless/awkward/sarcastic side...
If you're reading this (which I doubt, unless by some freak of nature accident you discovered my blog), you are awesome, and I sincerely hope your friend is able to continue on to better, and ultimately optimum, health.
Oh man...there was the hottest dude in the class too...sheeeit, he was lookin all types of good....but (surprise, surprise) he was taken.
damn it.

i'm destined to die alone.
with 50 cats.
and probably some birds.

oh, and my plants...

I took some pictures of the happenings...not TOO many, since I didn't remember that I had my camera with me until the last 20 minutes of class..and even then, then consumption of food proved far more important then picture taking.


My coconut, notes, and the twice refilled cup of chocolate





I'm terrible with names.
Good with faces.
But for some reason or another..names just don't stick well with me.
I met this lovely lady: http://rediscoverrawfood.blogspot.com/ at the class...always cool to meet people that you've spoken to via the internet...unless those
people happen to turn out to be sexual offenders (like me, haha...jk...maybe), pedofiles, dumbasses, or you know...just really OUT THERE, fuglies who need
to be beaten with a stick.

Came home.
Decided it was time to make more desserts.
Ran to Clark's Nutrition (imagine if I really DID run? how awkward would THAT look...running on the side of the freeway?)
"to the organic grocery store...AWAAAAY!"
i'd do it.

naw. i'd probably get short winded a 1/4 of the way through, and hitch hike my way home with some horney old trucker named rusty.


The marble mudslide and apple pie cheesecake before being dissected with my handy cusineart knife


New favorite? So far, it's looking pretty good.

I found these berries on a bush in my backyard...I was tempted to eat them..but then had flashbacks to a bad wild berry experiance a few years ago...I'm currently on a mission to try and get my brother to "test" them for $10. His asking price is $20. Greedy bastard.

If I can't be a raw chef, I'm giving legal prostitution a serious consideration.
"take off my pants for HOW MUCH YOU SAY??"

I hear the Moonlight Bunny Ranch Farm is hiring..
that way people who ask me where I work, will just assume I plow corn or something.

..
"i'll plow your corn baby."

haha



Thursday, March 27, 2008

"My God...this tastes so good..it's like..the shit of Jesus.."


I love making raw desserts, seriously. It's unnatural how much enjoyment I get from creating these things. My brother calls me a lard ass all the time, and rightfully so, might I add..since I do eat an obscene amount of dessert, it's just, you know, raw.
My goal is to be able to get him to eat something an enjoy it.

Mom, check.
Dad, check.
Him? Not yet.

His idea of trying something new is dipping flamming hot cheetos into Ben and Jerry's 50th ann. Cake Batter ice cream mix. Which, i'll admit, is pretty ballsy considering what doing that does to your insides. To each his own I guess.
My dad's birthday is tomorrow (he'll be turning 51) so I went out and bought all the ingredients to make him a raw tiramisu.
Ever since he gave up dairy and meat (he still eats salmon and tuna on occassion) he's had to give up his favorite dessert...UNTIL NOW! mwahaha.

I must say though, this is the only time i'll be making this out of the kindness of my heart. A damn good birthday present, I think, since it cost me about $40 to make. Also, I don't know if you've ever tried cold pressing organic espresso...yeah...not as easy as I thought it was going to be..especially since you need to add JUST the right amount of water, so the flavor still really comes through. 

The tiramisu turned out bettter then I thought it would, taste wise...even after making some "modifications"...I ran out of nuts last minute, and had to substitute an avacado for a small part of the recipe..which oddly enough, made it turn out even better...much less dense.


After I took this picture, I ran out to the other fridge in the garage to hide it from him until tomorrow. I put it behind all of my brother's hot pockets and bagel bits...so I know it'll be safe from his prying eyes...
I was thinking about putting 51 candles in it for him tomorrow night, but I don't want the thing to melt, or the smoke alarms to go off...so maybe just a tombstone candle...or a grim reaper candle...i've seen them sold during halloween...hm...I wonder if Hallmark would sell them in the birthday aisle?
I need to get him a good card too.
Probably go out and do that in a little bit.

SHIT! He's home!
Better minimize this screen before he has a chance to see it.

...

Much better.

School's starting on Tuesday. End of the nice little vacation i've been on. Ehhh, about time I get my ass out of the house and meet new people and such. I need a new laptop speaking of which.

SO. This either means, less blogging and unbaking because of class hecticness.
OR MORE blogging and unbaking, due to extreme lazyness and lack of interest in my classes...so it can really go either way. 
If I get my new Macbook Pro by the time school starts..i'm thinking it's going to be the latter.

OH OH! I finally found organic matcha powder! I was so excited, I nearly peed on myself. Swear to God. 
I'm going to make a green matcha and vanilla bean cheesecake for my friend's engagement party this weekend...i'm pretty excited to see how it's going to turn out, since i've yet to attempt using a tea powder as a flavor base in anything really. Matcha really is pretty wonderful though. So wonderful in fact, that the stores and every OTHER distributor apparently has the right to charge you $20 for a measly 4 oz. of the stuff, organic of course. The assholes.

The flavor is pretty outstanding though. And there's so many cute things you can make using matcha as a base.
Like these Totoro cupcake I found on someone else's blogger



























I actually have the Tortoro DVD in my room somewhere. I'm a sucker for nearly anything Japanese.
Japanese art, food, men, you name it, i'm all over it.

I found the cutest sushi game online the other day too...well...not so much CUTE, since the customers in the game get pissed off if they're not drunken off your sake, but you know cute in a "awe, look at the little drunk cartoons eating the sushi I made" way.

Off to buy my dad's birthday card before I forget to do it today.
tah tah.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

COST OF LIVING IS A BITCCCCH



I made a banana cream pie today for my mom in some pathetic attempt at getting her to eat a LITTLE better, you know, to sort of compensate for all the drinking she does. (how fucked is it that I just turned 21 and she could, without a doubt, drink me under the table?) She won't touch any of my entrees....YET...but, she's always been a dessert fan...so I try to get her to eat well through that area. 
I know i've done something right when she enjoys the dessert i've made.
I know i've done something amazing when she asks for a second piece.
And I know i've done a work of God when she tells me she'd rather have the dessert instead of a corona light...(even after some hesitation)

I've never really been a fan of banana cream pies...or really bananas in general..don't get me wrong, they're good. They just don't agree with my insides all the time.

Bananas = constipation and bloating no matter HOW ripe they are

too much information?
Too bad. You're reading MY blog damn it, so you're going to hear about shit not being able to pass through my ass when it needs to.
Speaking of which, digestive enzymes? I highly recommend Brenda Watson's enzymes. They're the best, seriously. You take one of those, and your stomach will be able to shred through metal. As it should be, since her enzymes are like, $5 for small pack of ten pills.
Damn you Brenda Watson and your stupid ass fiber 35 diet and amazing enzymes.

I'm spending way too much money also.
More money then a student without a job should be.
But not on clothes, or makeup...nope..on food, flowers for my mom (they seem able to put her in better mood ever since she's gone menopausal), teas, gas, and supplements.

stupid cost of living.

I need to start dating another drug dealer...


Sunday, March 23, 2008

Eggs, Corona and Seasonal Crap



Once upon a time there was an "easter bunny", who somehow has the miraculous capability to fill little boys and little girls baskets with cute little pieces of chocolate and "hide" a ridiculous amount of obscenely colored eggs in bushes and shit. 

...

It's safe to conclude that this seems more like an acid and shroom induced hallucination then anything even SLIGHTY related to Jesus.
Damn Hallmark holidays trying to brainwash consumers into buying MORE shit we don't need, rather then spend money based on need.
Complete fuckery I tell you. Fuck.
Anyways, I hope everyone's Easter Sunday was as eventful as my own. 
While my family relaxed out in our backyard, soaking themselves in the terribley lovely aroma of slaughtered cow and corona (which they used my organic $4.99 key limes in, DAMN IT!) I was in the house filling plastic eggs with butterfingers and sprees. All of my little cousins were begging me for one before the "easter egg hunt" started. Well, most of them (in my experiance of being around them AFTER them having consumed milk and such) 1. you can’t eat dairy and those sad-excuse-for-chocolate eggs only have one ingredient derived from nature and that is dried cow lactation and B. if you still want the egg THAT bad, even after knowing what that milk chocolate is going to do to your ass, you're going to have to wait an hour for the egg hunt like everybody else.

After filling the neon plastic eggs (which probably have traces of lead..so CNN reported anyways..) with annoying sparkly green imitation grass and candy, the kids ran around like crackheads frantically pushing each other into trees and chairs in an attempt to "win" the egg hunt. the prize? You get a pat on the back from your drunken mother, who's sitting next to my drunken mother...with MY key lime in HER corona...ahem..okay, i'm over the key lime thing. Just needed to vent. 

My cousin payed me to construct her an Easter Cake to take to her work's Easter party. (the county finds any reason to celebrate and not work, so it seems..) She didn't want anything raw (damn it), or even VEGAN (damn it again)..just a regular ol' "make your ass bigger before you can try to suck in and make your jeans fit right" cake.

Cake of choice?

Southern Red Velvet

Now, i'm a bit of a tweeker when it comes to decorating things, anything at all. Seriously.

So this is how I broke down how the cake was to be constructed.

a. make fondant, since paying $15 a lb. for pre-made shit is outrageous. ESPECIALLY since, if you know how to do it, you can make your own fondant for about $5.

b. make and bake cake

c. frost cake, layer with rolled fondant

d. decorate fondant with easter shit

Here are a few pictures of the cake making:

And then the finished cake with fondant and such...

The cake lasted about 20 minutes at her job. I got a call later on from a woman who works with her (apparently she got my number from my cousin) asking me if I could do a baby shoe for her son's baptismal. Sure, why not?

We'll see how it all pans out...

(ps. I realize that the middle portion of this post's text is all fucked up. Stupid blogger won't let me fix it, so after 2 minutes of trying, I gave up.)


Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Tuxedos and Cream


I've created a monster.
Seriously.
This has to be, by far, the most delicious/succulent/yummy/mouthwatering/divine/heavenly (and just about every OTHER synonym you can think of that correlates with the word tasty) i've ever made.
Time consuming?
You bet your sweet ass it was.
Expensive?
You can also bet your sweet ass it was.
Worth it?
Look at it. Enough said.
I made really cute butterfly chocolates to put on top, but I ate them before they ever got a chance to make an appearence in the picture, so now while I sit here and post this, they're busy being burned alive by my stomach acid, and will shortly be making their way into my small intestine, haha. it's their fault for being so tasty, not mine.
So anyways. My inspiration from this came from (where else) a trip to the mall, where a friend and I (at my request) went inside the cheesecake factory to take a look at their cheesecakes. Oh man, a real treat for the eyes. Sometimes, even though I don't eat that shit, I want to WORK there...just to be able to plate and decorate the cheesecakes. I'm actually going to be taking an advanced cake decorating class at Micheal's in early April. The instructor said to bring my appetite, and when I told her I was a raw vegan, she looked puzzled and asked why I was going to this class. 
"To learn, oh and to feed my eyes"
"okay then.."
The Tuxedo Cheesecake in it's whole form (which will probably only last a few days)
       Yes, my slices are huge. I'm a fat ass when it comes to this shit, so sue me.

Alas! She doesn't understand it! Oh well.
My mom will ask the same thing sometimes..."April, WHY do you spend so much time making it look nice when you're just going to eat it?"
"BECAUSE I CAN DAMN IT!"

Easter's coming up, and there's going to be an easter egg hunt at my house. I've been recruited to make the (non-raw vegan) cupcakes. Or as my brother calls them, "the real shit". Fair enough. 
I'm going to make little fondant bunnies and chicks for the cupcakes, so they'll  be really cute for the kids. (not that they actually TRUELY appreciate it, but whatever..it's the thought that counts I guess) I adore working with fondant. I only tasted it once before, and from what I rememberd the taste wasn't all that great (think of a bland marshmellow), but man..you have to love how pliable and versitile that shit is.
Actually, making fondant is pretty easy to do, and way cheaper then buying it from the store...which normally runs about $15 for a little dinky ass pack. It's really just marshmellows, shortening and powdered sugar. All really bad for you. But again, you HAVE to appreciate the artistry that goes behind some of the creations. I actually just like MAKING things out of it, and then afterwards, advise people to "look and not touch" and to come and touch my nuts instead...nut based desserts that is.
  
The necessary "evils" of fondant

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Tag, i'm it?


Alright, i've finally been e-tagged by someone! I've seen people postings these "tagged" things for awhile now, and watched it spread across blogger like the herpes. Disa (sorry Disa, i'd link your page...but i'm blogger retarded when it comes to linking shit in posts!) tagged me (woohoo) so now I get to post some (probably not too interesting, but midly entertaining) things about myself. 5 right? Well, Disa did 25, and i've seen some blogs with as many as 50. I honestly think people stop giving a shit about your random information bits after maybe 30, 35 tops...unless the shit you're posting is WAY out there...haha
So here it goes..i'll post as many as come to mind..


Things you DIDN'T know about me:

1. I refuse to talk in the morning UNTIL i've brushed my teeth. I know, it sounds really weird...but honestly, morning breath is NOT cool, and I refuse to have to force anyone who encounters me first thing in the morning to have to withstand mine, which probably smells like a mixture of garlic, chocolate, greens, berries, and coconut. delicious right?
2. I know more drug dealers then one probably should, and have dated at least 3. (I tried to convince him to replace his dime bags with hello kitty snack pack bags, but that didn't go over so well with him, haha)
3. I used to be hardcore into raving. That's right. I was a candy kid. Go ahead and laugh, haha.
4. I've woken up at LEAST 5 times in places and with people I didn't know, such as in lancaster in a tent, diamond in a bathtub half filled with vodka, and highland underneath some guys bed with a bottle of Jack somewhere nearby.
5. I watch the food network everyday. EVERYDAY. Paula Deen is one of my favorites. I love that she uses butter to fix virtually everything. "Oh honey, you got a cut on yo knee? USE SOME BUTTA." ahaha. I plan on seeing her live tapping as soon as she does one in the area. I'm also an avid reader of Woman's Day magazine.
6. I'm a wigger when it comes to cleaning. I despise dirty dishes and smudged windows, and will literally spend hours of my week on hand and knees to rid my house of these things (it's probably stems from the mexican in me, haha).
7. I've almost had a 4-some with my best friend in High School because we thought the scenerio would be a funny story to tell people when we got older..the 4-some would've included the school's tennis instructor, who ended up buying us veggie burritos and beer instead, haha..
8. Every morning during breakfast I sit with The Sun newspaper and do the crossword (along with reading my horoscope), I plan to actually be able to FINISH a crossword sometime soon, as being able to only do half is getting kind of discouraging. haha
9. I'm scared to death of needles. Yes, I have tattoos. Yes, I have piercings...but I was clinging for dear life onto the chair each time one was done.
10. I've made out with 2 transvestites at the same time before (they were both guys dressed up as britney spears pre-mental breakdown days). Yes, I was very drunk (don't try to drink more then TWO "Adios Motherfucker"'s, those drinks have that name for a reason...I had to find this out the hard way, since I severely UNDERESTIMATED exactly HOW MUCH liquor is in it..i'll post the recipe for it below)
Well...that's all I can or care to think of for now. I'm probably the last person on the face of blogger to be "tagged", so i'm not going to bother tagging anyone. haha. If you have actually yet to be tagged (like me before this post) then I tag you (insert name here) to list some things about yourself that no one knows. Try to top my list. Go ahead. I dare you.

The Adios Motherfucker Basic Cocktail

1 oz. Gin
1 oz. Light Rum
5 oz. Vodka
1 oz. White Tequila
1 1/2 oz. Blue Curacao Liqueur
1 oz. Sweet and Sour Mix
1 oz. Sprite Soda

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Do what you love. (hopefully that's me, haha)

I was sorting through some papers yesterday, trying to clean out the clutter of paper that has accumulated underneath my desk over this past week, and found a slip of paper with my old photobucket user ID and password! I was pretty excited, since I thought this was the account i'd been looking for with my pictures from my trip to hawaii last year (I have around 6 accounts AT LEAST on photobucket..why? I have no idea..haha). It wasn't the same account, but something better!
Not too long ago, my car got broken into and most of the shit was either stolen or scattered in the street, or ripped to shreds (jesus christ, people are ghetto). Anywho. Among the things destroyed in my car was an art portfolio of mine that had virtually EVERY piece i've ever done. Sketches, charcoal, pastel, you name it. Well, I forgot that I had scanned everything (thank god!) into a photobucket account for safe keeping, in case anything ever happened to the originals (which did, since misfortune enjoys frequenting the spot above my head on most occassions). None of the paintings are in there (you know how hard it is to scan acrylic without it coming out looking like smeared shit on the computer?!) but a lot of my sketches were. Check them out, and enjoy art. :] 



Word.
I only wish I would've saved more of my stuff onto photobucket. :[

Friday, March 14, 2008

Do you like pina colada's?

why yes, yes I do.
I've had that, and miley cyrus's new song stuck in my head all day...and it's starting to annoy the hell out of me.
In fact, I was on the elliptical at the gym and caught myself mid-song singing the pina colada song...OUT LOUD...haha..it would've been embarressing had I given a damn what anybody in that godforsaken gym thought about me. Thankfully, that is most certainly NOT the case.
To solve this "pina colada" crisis of mine (since there was really nothing I could do about the miley cyrus half of it) I decided to make a pina colada pie. 

Yes, I know. 
"April, do you make anything OTHER then pies or cheesecakes?"
Yes. I do. I swear. Maybe.
I just love my desserts okay? I'll start taking pictures of the entrees that I do...promise! The desserts look prettier anyhow, and everyone loves dessert! Speaking of dessert (not that this really has anything to do with dessert) i'm on a mission to find a good durian. I've been meaning to try one of those out, but everytime I SMELL them, ugggh..yeah..reminds me of when my dad eats way too much garlic. Not something I correlate with FRUITY. 
I keep seeing posts on goneraw.com about durian too. Really delicious sounding things (minus some of the "durian pudding" pictures i've seen that look like toddler barf..no offense to anyone who took those pictures, but yeah..not too delicious looking).
How do you go about picking out a good one?
You know..i've barely figured out how to pick out a GOOD thai coconut?! My god, I hated always having to eeny meeni minny moe my way through the lot.
The top of the husk should be hard, and no cracks in the bottom, with a firm outer body. 
Bruises apparently have nothing to do with the quality of the meat on the inside...unless the bruises are purple..avoid those like the plague.
But just in case, always buy two. So you spend an extra $2 (or however much you pay). If you get a shit one, at least you'll have a fall back coconut so you don't have to haul your ass to the store AGAIN just to buy one coconut. (this has happened to me multiple times, so I just gave up and started buying them in doubles).
You know, a few weeks ago I bought one, opened it, and HOLY SHIT THERE WAS NOTHING INSIDE!
I was shocked, angry, sad, and confused all at the same time. Quite overwhelming. 
Not really. But you know. It was pretty confusing to say at the very least.
I considering taking a picture of it to post on here, and express my outrage and confusion in a separate post completely dedicated to coconuts and "coconut ghosts", but it really just looked like I had already scraped the meat out and ate it..so yeah..it didn't really look too impressive in the pictures. Oh well. Another one bites the dust.
Damn it. There's that miley cyrus song again. 
"I got this crazy feeling deep inside..."
hehe..that sounds pretty dirty doesn't it? And that girl's only like, 15...! All things aside, she actually has a pretty decent voice. Back onto the desserts. So aside from the pina colada pie I made, I made mini-strawberry shortcakes since I had made WAY too much pie base for the pina colada pie. They came out really cute looking since I ended up using cupcake holders instead of my tart dishes, which have mysteriously gone missing from my cabinet. 


                                                                    Mini-Strawberry Shortcakes 


So my next dessert, I think, will either be something chocolatey or a key lime pie. Quite possibley both. Who knows? My wallet and stomach are the limit. Also, my dad's birthday is coming up. He's not a raw vegan (more or less a macrobiotic veggie/vegan "on occassion fish" person now), but he enjoys my raw desserts as much as I do. Since he hasn't had a birthday cake since he cut real sugar out of his diet, I plan on making him a raw german chocolate layered birthday cake...we'll see how that pans out...


Monday, March 10, 2008

it's not peach season, BUT...


So I was flipping through a Woman's Day (don't laugh) that was laying on the kitchen counter the other when I saw one of the prettiest looking peach pies i've ever seen. Nice right? HMM! Well, I figured since I damn well near polished off what was left of the blueberry pie that I had last made, I figured why not put a spin on this and try to make my own verison. $30, three trips to the store, and 3 hours later (i'm a bit of a perfectionist, so sue me) I finally made what was to be my OWN peach raspberry pie. I'm not sure why, but i've been having this odd obsession with marbling EVERYTHING. I just think it makes things look so nice, don't you? Well, even if you don't, I don't give a damn...because I KNOW IT DOES. haha. Anyways, after letting this baby set in the freezer for an hour, it was carefully transported to the fridge to set up overnight.Now i'm not sure if this is just me (probably not) but everytime  I make something, I always end up thinking..."this could be better. It's good. Oh yes, it's really good. But I KNOW I can make it better.." I guess it goes without saying, that old cliche about an artist's work never really being finished. 

The sweet ass marbling that went on in my kitchen before going into the freezer


      Ta DAH! The finished product! 


Damn grocery stores need to start giving me discounts or some shit...I want irish moss and cacao butter, but it's going to cost me $50 for those two things alone. I can get drugs for cheaper then that! What on earth is this world coming to?!!

Saturday, March 8, 2008

blueberry hill


My mom came home with the most amazing surprise ever.
Well, not EVER..but still pretty cool...
fresh organic blueberries from her friend's backyard! A whole damn crate of them! (this thing seriously had to weigh at least 5-7lbs.)
After sitting with the box, eating them one by one, for about an hour...I figured I'd use the rest to make a blueberry cheesecake.
It didn't turn out as dense as I would've liked it to have (I adore heavy, sweet desserts) but it was still a nice, light treat that went really well with a last minute blackberry fruit spread I made.

Aside from that, nothing too interesting here today.
IRS spent $42 million on letters to inform people of how tax rebates WORK. 
Some lady squirted her 4 year old with a gas station hose.
A body was found on ice somewhere.

And people look at ME weird when I tell them the world is headed towards an apocolypse.

Friday, March 7, 2008

sundaes on fridays


Aah, yes. Today was a LONG ass day indeed. Didn't get to go to the gym (oh well) since I figured it was about time that yes. Today was a LONG ass day indeed. Didn't get to go to the gym (oh well) since I figured it was about time thaI got off my lazy ass and finally got my taxes done before it's too late. Had breakfast (asst. fruit bowl with coconut cream sauce), took
a shower, nearly died IN the shower because the water came out FREEZING COLD and I had to quickly navagate my way around it
all wet and naked...anyways, got dressed and hauled myself over to the credit union where they're (thank GOD!) doing tax
returns for free. YAY. Less work I have to do. 
So I get there and, of course, there is a line of 390410485110509273 people waiting to get their taxes done as well.
I half expected it to be like this, so I wasn't really too bothered by it (don't people work friday mornings?). After waiting for
what seemed like an eternity (around 2 1/2 hours) I was finally called up by some older southern black lady who shuffled at
a pace that would make an east african three-toed sloth laugh. After tediously gliding over to her desk, we finally got down
to the dirty work...which ended up taking ANOTHER 2 1/2 hours! good lord. Thank God I didn't have any plans for the day.
So after finally getting my taxes done a year and a half later, I run across the street to a liqour store to go pee (stupid credit union's 
bathrooms were out of order) and some old hippie mumbles something to me. It sounded like a cross between coochie and cookie, so i'm
not too sure about that...maybe coochie cookies? cookie coochies?
coochie cookie eaters?
who knows?
the world is a mystery.
a mystery that is going straight to hell!
GOOD LORD! I was watching CNN and they were saying that 42,000 people have been layed off in the past two months (retail wise) because
damn economy is headed into a recession and people can't afford to buy shit, since they're too busy spending $4 a gallon on gas. (i'm telling you, i'm investing in riding my bike everywhere!)
But, back to my pee story. 
So yes, I went pee (RELIEF!) and ran back across the street to my car.
Got home after being stuck in rush hour traffic for foreeeeever, and made myself the beauty featured above..and yes..it DID taste better then it looks...which, now that i'm looking at the picture...seems pretty impossible. mmm...cacaaaaaaoooooo...
I've also made a decision.
I'm going to become a raw vegan chef. It's been decided.
I've been raw vegan for over a year, and all day everyday all I ever think about is FOOD.. how to make something taste better, look better, etc etc. Well past the honeymoon phase and STILL obsessed with the creations of gourmet raw food dishes. I probably sound like the world's biggest fat ass, but I can't help it damn it. Tis' what I love.
Now, I just need to get the funds to get proper schooling for this dream of mine....hm.....do I really even NEED school for this? I mean, I've been to a few raw restaurants that seemed as though thier chef's had zero to none experiance in gourmet raw foods...hmmmmmmm..
Well...if I can't do that, I always have my fall back plan.


Writing comics for cyanide and happiness. haha.